The biggest hurdle that I've had the last few years has been my health. What with having Graves disease, Hashimoto's, and now rheumatoid arthritis, things have gotten a little trickier in how I am able to do the things that I love doing so much. Some days, I feel great and am able to do it all and then some days, I can barely function at all. On top of that, I have this pesky lung issue that just wears me out and then 6 weeks ago, I started having severe back pain and can't hardly walk or stand for very long at all and that keeps me from the shopping and baking that I need to do and it's really kind of depressing. I am one of those that love to make everything personal, like little notes and stickers on my grandkids packages, goody bags filled with all their favorite goodies, and just sweet little things that make each gift personal and filled with the love that I have for them. It literally stresses me out to not be able to do those things.
This years is one of those years that I have had to order most everything online and have it shipped and that bothers me because I didn't get to wrap them in a cute little wrapping paper that I picked out just or that person and I haven't really been out to shop for all the little things that would go with their gifts and that bothers me the most. I didn't even send out Christmas cards!! I know...right?? It's just wrong or so I think in my mind.
I've had my pity party and I've had my moment of feeling like a bad mom and grandma and then I talked to a very good friend of mine and she sure set me straight and she asked me why I was feeling so bad about it and I told her that because of this stupid illness and because I feel so bad all the time, I just didn't get it done and I was feeling like a failure. She basically smacked me upside the head (figuratively) and said that I give really good advice all the time to other people and asked why I didn't take my own advice... I have no idea why...I guess because I am the caretaker and I make sure that everyone else feels good about themselves...not myself...only the others...ok..ok..I see what she is doing here..
We must not allow ourselves or anyone else to make us feel bad for being sick...yes...even if it is our own crazy selves making us feel bad...First of all...Christmas is not about gifts and goodies and decorating, although those things are great, to me, it's about family and love and hope and I know this, this is exactly what my parents taught me and here I am acting like a poor, pitiful, thing, because I can't do what I want to do. My friends and family aren't going to think badly of me if I don't do the usual things that I do, and if they do...then surely I don't really need friends and family like that in my life. I feel better now...I love everyone with everything I am and would give anything in this world that I could give to make them happy or to help them out and if they can't see that of if they don't know it by now, then shame on them. I have done some shopping online and the gifts won't be wrapped and there won't be a special, personal note on there, but that's ok. I haven't made any goodies to mail out, but that's ok too...I did buy a small tree and it's cute and there are a few little things under it and that's enough. I won't see my kids and grandkids this Christmas and although that makes me a little sad, that's ok too...it will just be me and my hubby this year, we'll have a nice quiet dinner together and exchange a few gifts and that is just fine with me. Life is short and we must make the best of what we have, life is too short to worry and obsess about things that can't be changed, life is just too short to feel bad all the time.
So id you are feeling bad about not decorating or shopping or whatever it is about the holiday that makes you feel bad, get over it and just be happy that you are still here and able to do what you can do. Give yourself a pep talk, talk to a friend, read a book, listen to your favorite Christmas music, eat something yummy (that won't kill your stomach) take a walk, if you can, or just take a long nap! Allow yourself to enjoy the holiday season without the guilt of feeling bad about things you can't do...do what you can, when you can and always love youselves...no matter what!
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year!
No comments:
Post a Comment