Holiday guilt and the blahs...

    I don't know about you, but Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love decorating and baking all kinds of goodies to give out to friends and family and giving gifts to those that I love brings me nothing but pure joy. It's been hard to do this the last few years because my hubby and I travel so much, we never know where we'll be or whether we'll be in a house, apartment, RV, or a hotel. Those are the usual place that we stay at and buying decorations and a tree is not always an option, neither is being able to make the goodies for everyone because I never know I I'll have a kitchen to make them in.

     The biggest hurdle that I've had the last few years has been my health. What with having Graves disease, Hashimoto's, and now rheumatoid arthritis, things have gotten a little trickier in how I am able to do the things that I love doing so much. Some days, I feel great and am able to do it all and then some days, I can barely function at all. On top of that, I have this pesky lung issue that just wears me out and then 6 weeks ago, I started having severe back pain and can't hardly walk or stand for very long at all and that keeps me from the shopping and baking that I need to do and it's really kind of depressing. I am one of those that love to make everything personal, like little notes and stickers on my grandkids packages, goody bags filled with all their favorite goodies, and just sweet little things that make each gift personal and filled with the love that I have for them. It literally stresses me out to not be able to do those things.

     This years is one of those years that I have had to order most everything online and have it shipped and that bothers me because I didn't get to wrap them in a cute little wrapping paper that I picked out just or that person and I haven't really been out to shop for all the little things that would go with their gifts and that bothers me the most. I didn't even send out Christmas cards!! I know...right?? It's just wrong or so I think in my mind.

     I've had my pity party and I've had my moment of feeling like a bad mom and grandma and then I talked to a very good friend of mine and she sure set me straight and she asked me why I was feeling so bad about it and I told her that because of this stupid illness and because I feel so bad all the time, I just didn't get it done and I was feeling like a failure. She basically smacked me upside the head (figuratively) and said that I give really good advice all the time to other people and asked why I didn't take my own advice... I have no idea why...I guess because I am the caretaker and I make sure that everyone else feels good about themselves...not myself...only the others...ok..ok..I see what she is doing here..

     We must not allow ourselves or anyone else to make us feel bad for being sick...yes...even if it is our own crazy selves making us feel bad...First of all...Christmas is not about gifts and goodies and decorating, although those things are great, to me, it's about family and love and hope and I know this, this is exactly what my parents taught me and here I am acting like a poor, pitiful, thing, because I can't do what I want to do. My friends and family aren't going to think badly of me if I don't do the usual things that I do, and if they do...then surely I don't really need friends and family like that in my life. I feel better now...I love everyone with everything I am and would give anything in this world that I could give to make them happy or to help them out and if they can't see that of if they don't know it by now, then shame on them. I have done some shopping online and the gifts won't be wrapped and there won't be a special, personal note on there, but that's ok. I haven't made any goodies to mail out, but that's ok too...I did buy a small tree and it's cute and there are a few little things under it and that's enough. I won't see my kids and grandkids this Christmas and although that makes me a little sad, that's ok too...it will just be me and my hubby this year, we'll have a nice quiet dinner together and exchange a few gifts and that is just fine with me. Life is short and we must make the best of what we have, life is too short to worry and obsess about things that can't be changed, life is just too short to feel bad all the time.

     So id you are feeling bad about not decorating or shopping or whatever it is about the holiday that makes you feel bad, get over it and just be happy that you are still here and able to do what you can do. Give yourself a pep talk, talk to a friend, read a book, listen to your favorite Christmas music, eat something yummy (that won't kill your stomach) take a walk, if you can, or just take a long nap! Allow yourself to enjoy the holiday season without the guilt of feeling bad about things you can't do...do what you can, when you can and always love youselves...no matter what!

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year!

 

 

 

Getting past the ugly stuff

     Today is my late father's birthday, he's been gone three years now and in light of that, I am writing this post on Self acceptance. He is the one who taught me all the goodness in my life and showed me that my value is based on just being myself, not who I was or what I could do.

     I see so many post by people in my thyroid groups that make me so sad, they are frustrated and want to just give up because they feel useless or have family and friends that make them feel bad for being sick or even worse, they make them feel bad by calling them lazy or tell them to just suck it up and get over it. It's a very sad and painful feeling to be sick all the time and to have your friends and family think that you are just lazy or being a drama queen about it and that is just so not true. We are truly sick with a disease that cannot always be seen from the outside, we are tired to the point of exhaustion, freezing cold or sweating to death, we have painful and swollen joints and muscles, irregular or fast heart rates, our blood pressure is too high or too low, we have terrible digestive problems, weird rashes, dizzy spells, we swell up all the time, gain weight despite what we do to lose it, we have depression and anxiety, and I could just go on and on, but you get the picture, right??

     Most people don't get it unless they have it and that makes us feel bad about being sick, it hurts us to know that other people think we are just lazy or making up excuses to not do anything and that is what makes us withdraw from life and people and the things we love doing. I hate being told that if I would just exercise or eat right or even just think positive, that my life will get so much better and I won't be sick anymore or that I can just take a pill and that will solve everything. Oh if only that were the case, my life would be perfect and fabulous all the time...they just don't get it and it hurts.

     I have always been a busy body and I got things done, I had energy and the want to, to be able to do whatever it was that needed to be done...I didn't even think about it, I just did it. When I became sick, it was just horrible, I was so sick, for so long, that I had a hard time even taking care of myself, at first. I had to have my sister come and help me until I was strong enough to do it myself and that was hard for me...I was the care taker, I was the one who made sure everyone else was ok and it still bothers me to this day, that I still need help with some things. It made me angry for awhile and I withdrew from social activities and from people that I loved because I just felt so tired and so bad all the time, I felt useless, like I couldn't do anything for anyone, anymore and that left me in a horribly depressed state. People didn't get it, they just saw me from the outside, looking normal, like nothing was wrong at all.

     It has been three years since I was first diagnosed with Graves Disease and it has been a long, hard, scary, and depressing road, but I am still here and even though I have wanted to give up many, many, times....I just couldn't do it...it's just not in me to give up. My mom and dad were very strong and loving people who supported me in everything I did, even when they knew it was a bad idea...they did it so that I would learn my own lessons, but the biggest gift they ever gave me was complete and total unconditional Love. I always knew that they love me and valued me beyond belief and that alone has contributed to me being who I am today.

     I am here to tell you that you are worthy just because you are...you don't need anyone to tell you that you are or to make you feel accepted, we all have value in this world and we are all important, just because and if someone is telling you that you are lazy or crazy or whatever it is they are saying that is tearing you down and making you feel bad, it's not you or your problem...it's a problem that THEY are having...normal people don't go around tearing other people down, angry people do that.
We all have a purpose here on Earth, even if you don't see it, you do. It may be to tell someone the very things that I am writing about, or to show the world more about thyroid disease or just to smile at someone who needs it as much as we do. Never , Ever, give up or let someone make you feel less than you are, we are Warriors because we live with an invisible illness that debilitates us and we still get up and go on about out business, we still try to do all the things that we used to, and we still have hope that someday, we'll find what makes us feel better, we may do it a little differently than everyone else and we may have days that we just do nothing, but that has nothing to do with our self worth, it has everything to do with what we deal with on a daily basis and that fact that we still try everyday to fit in to what everyone else says is normal...we do this even when we are sick and feeling bad and miserable....it's ok to try to do these things everyday, but it's also ok to just have a down day and to just do whatever it is you need to do...it's ok to eel the way you feel...don't let other people tell you how you feel or tell you that it's wrong to feel the way you feel.

     So...when you are feeling useless or unworthy because you or someone else is telling you that, just stop it!! We are all here for a reason and we all have value and the sooner you accept and love yourself, no matter what, the better off you'll be and you'll feel so much better too and that is the whole purpose with us...right?? We just want to feel better and to feel useful and worthy. Don't ever give up and never let someone make you feel bad, raise that chin and square up those shoulders and show them your fighting face...We are Warriors and should act accordingly! Have a great day!

GMO'S, Diet changes, and helpful hints

     What are Genetically Modified Foods? Where do they come from and what is the purpose behind them?? I've read so much about GMO's and it's pretty darn scary to think that a group of scientist and business men...not Farmer's...have come up with all kinds of new ways to make our cows, chickens, pigs, fish, etc. grow faster and bigger. They've also figured out how to make our corn, soy, and wheat grow bigger and faster and not to mention, they have also figured out how to keep the bugs away from them in order to keep them growing big and strong! GMO's are foods and plants that have been genetically altered in order to make them grow big and fast and without the fear of pests killing them in the field that they grow in..Great huh?? No...the chemicals they use in and on these foods and animals are making us sick! I am overwhelmed at the fact that so much of our food supply is just full of hormones, chemicals, and even pesticides. How do we avoid this and what can we eat? Those are the questions that I have because I now have three auto immune disorders and trying to eat healthy and organic, without chemicals and hormones, is downright impossible and very scary and frustrating to say the least.

     When I found out that my illness were autoimmune, I started researching what lifestyle changes I needed to make in order to feel better and have my life back to some sort of normalcy. What I found out, was that the food I was putting into my body was causing a lot of my problems and that was sad to me because I love to cook and I love to eat even more! I knew that I would have to give up a few things that I loved and have eaten my whole life, but I never knew that even the food that I could have, was not that great for me because it had so many chemicals and hormones in it and those are the very things, in my opinion, that are making me sick. I'm no doctor or even a professional at what I'm doing, but by process of elimination and research, I've learned, very well, that these chemicals and hormones are just bad and they really make me feel sick when I eat them.

     What I have learned is that by eliminating certain foods, I can feel so much better. I am not at my full potential of feeling well all the time, but I am no longer sick every hour of every day. I stopped eating gluten, processed foods, dairy(mostly), soy, sugar (except what comes naturally), canned foods, foods with BPA and BHA, sodas, red meat, and corn. Now I'm not saying you should do the exact same thing, but this is what has helped me. Finding out what your body reacts to in a negative way and eliminating those things will help you so much...stopping the use of preprocessed and chemical laden foods and drinks will help even more, now I know that is a huge job to undertake and it seems that everything in the world ha those things in them, but if you can at least get the majority of them out of your system, you'll be able to tell the difference in no time at all. We'll probably never be able to get every little terrible thing out of our food, but we can do as much as possible to cut down on the amount we are putting in our body.

     Something else that I've started doing that helps is drinking lemon ginger water everyday. I have rheumatoid arthritis and have horrible joint and muscle pain everyday. I also use this to help keep my liver clean and functioning better. The liver function gets messed up when you are on a multitude of drugs and they can affect your kidneys too. In addition to the lemon ginger water, I also use turmeric 1500 mgs a day and take Epsom salt baths. It doesn't take it all away, but it helps enough so that I can at least do what I need to do.

I found that keeping a journal of what I eat and how I feel helps a lot...it showed me exactly what foods are making me feel bad. Also, try to eliminate those foods for a few weeks and see you feel without them...it took some time, but I know now what foods hurt me and what foods help me. Taking good supplements helps a lot too...talk to your doctor first and get tested for the ones you need, such as Vit. D, B-12, Iron and Ferritan,  magnesium, zinc, and iodine. Once you have established what you need, get on them and be consistent. My Vit. D and iron were good, so I don't take those, but I do take Selenium (For TED),   magnesium, Turmeric, milk thistle (for my liver), Vitamin C, and that I about it...I only have my Synthroid to take other than that and I am trying so very hard not to have to take a bunch of drugs, I need for my system to be as calm as can be.

One last thing that I do, besides walking, is Yoga...I started trying it out earlier in the year and I really can tell the difference, it's not a huge difference but it's there and I just have to say that I am a short, top heavy, chunky, girl...I have gained 60 lbs in two years, so it's not easy and is quite comical to see me trying my hardest to do yoga in the floor of my home. I just have to laugh at myself because I really do looks hysterical doing some of the poses, but I am stubborn and love a challenge. I will get there some day and I am in this fight to make my whole body healthy, in every way, not just my thyroid or my immune system.

     With all that said, I hope I didn't lose you in there, it was lengthy and I did ramble at times...#brainfog   #ADD   I hope I can help someone and learn something new, because we are all Warriors....Right?? Until next time, be good and feel good!!